Couples Therapy at Ellsworth Family Therapy

Understanding the Journey After Betrayal

When discovery or disclosure after betrayal occurs, many couples instinctively believe that diving into couples therapy is the immediate solution. After all, it’s a relational wound, so relational therapy must be the answer, right? While couples therapy is an essential part of healing, it’s crucial to introduce it thoughtfully and at the right time.

At Ellsworth Family Therapy, our approach is rooted in trauma-informed practices that prioritize emotional safety, stabilization, and a phased methodology. We focus on gradually rebuilding the relationship rather than rushing into joint sessions that could lead to re-traumatization or further disconnection.

Phase 1: Initial Crisis Support & Safety Establishment

Purpose: After a significant event, such as betrayal, relationships can be chaotic, with heightened emotions and uncertainty clouding the future. This isn’t the ideal time for traditional couples therapy; instead, we focus on creating clarity and stability.

What Couples Work Looks Like in Phase 1:

  • Short, structured joint sessions aimed at:

    • Gaining a mutual understanding of the betrayal.

    • Establishing basic ground rules for emotional and physical safety.

    • Helping each partner connect with the other’s emotional state.

  • Emphasizing psychoeducation and containment rather than deep relational issues.

Key Emphasis:

  • Emotional safety must be prioritized before engaging in deeper work.

  • The betrayed partner’s pain must be validated without dismissal.

  • The partner in recovery must demonstrate a commitment to facing the truth.

Phase 2: Early Stages of Couples Recovery

When to Begin: Once both partners have stabilized individually, early steps toward relational healing can begin. This phase is structured support for healing, not traditional couples therapy.

Focus of Phase 2 Couples Work:

  • Sessions designed for the partner in recovery to validate the betrayed partner’s pain.

  • Practicing non-defensive communication and fostering empathy.

  • Building the betrayed partner’s sense of safety and trust.

Sessions should pause if:

  • The partner in recovery resorts to emotionally harmful behaviors.

  • The betrayed partner feels re-traumatized by interactions.

  • The foundation of safety is not fully established.

Phase 3: Enhancing Emotional Connection and Intimacy

When to Begin: Once emotional safety is firmly established, and both partners have moved beyond survival mode, the couple can engage in emotionally focused work.

Purpose: This phase focuses on rebuilding and redefining the relationship from a place of authenticity and secure attachment. The goal shifts from merely surviving to thriving together.

Focus of Phase 3 Couples Work:

  • Interrupting old patterns of reactivity and distance.

  • Establishing cycles of emotional safety and secure connection.

  • Exploring intimacy through a trauma-informed perspective.

  • Understanding each partner’s history and attachment needs.

Co-creating a new relational framework includes:

  • Shared values and goals

  • Safety agreements

  • Healthy conflict resolution practices

Couples Work as a Path to Healing

At Ellsworth Family Therapy, we believe couples work is about more than fixing a relationship—it’s about transforming how individuals relate to themselves and each other in the aftermath of trauma. This journey requires time, structure, and trust. By progressing through these phases with intention, we help couples lay the groundwork for healing, reconnection, emotional resilience, and renewed intimacy.

Our Core Beliefs About Couples Work

  • Safety First: If either partner feels unsafe or overwhelmed, we take a step back.

  • Sequencing is Key: We prioritize individual healing before engaging in relational repair.

  • Empathy is Essential: If the partner in recovery cannot show empathy, further work may do more harm than good.

  • Healing is Layered: We support each couple at a pace that respects the realities of trauma and recovery.

The MPTM Approach to Couples Work

Incorporating the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM), our couples therapy emphasizes:

  • Preparatory Individual Work: Both partners engage in trauma-focused individual therapy before joint sessions, establishing safety and basic coping skills.

  • Creating Safety in Couples Sessions: We focus on re-establishing emotional and relational safety, ensuring neither partner feels re-traumatized.

  • Phased Approach: Couples work progresses through structured phases, gradually introducing deeper relational dynamics.

  • Validation and Empathy: Fostering validation for the betrayed partner and encouraging the partner in recovery to practice accountability is crucial.

  • Rebuilding Trust: As therapy progresses, we shift focus toward rebuilding trust and enhancing emotional connection.

Ongoing Assessment

Continuous assessment is essential to ensure both partners feel safe and engaged. If safety is compromised, we pause sessions to address these concerns.

For more information on this approach, you can refer to resources from the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS).

Fees for Service: $145

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